“Journal writing is a voyage to the interior.” ~ Christina Baldwin
I’ve been keeping a journal off and on since the late 1960’s. At first, when I idealistically (and naively) thought I was destined to become a great writer, its pages served as my “writer’s notebook”, a place where I could record story ideas, sketch out characters, or test dialogue. My earliest journal is a spiral notebook with a hand-drawn peace symbol on its worn cardboard cover. Its pages contain the faded pencil and fountain pen entries that were my initial serious attempts at poetry and storytelling. The poems are little more than doggerel, and the stories embarrassingly amateurish. There are also three pages of notes from Immanuel Kant’s essay “On Perpetual Peace”, the first bit of philosophy I ever attempted to sink my teeth into. From cover to cover, it is filled with sophomoric musings that, now, I am glad I decided to preserve. Here’s why:
That first journal and its subsequent companion volumes – and there a dozens of them in the old wooden file cabinet in my attic – have, in addition to serving as my “writer’s notebook”, also functioned as a diary; as a therapeutic outlet for my anger, fears, desires, and regrets; and as a permanent repository for interesting factoids I’ve encountered, flashes of brilliance that came to me in dreams and were recorded immediately upon awakening, and passages of “mental doodling” during which I allowed my subconscious a creative outlet.
As a legacy, my four-plus decades of scribbled thoughts have no public value, the way journals of great historical or literary figures attract scholarly curiosity. For me, however, they are priceless records of the expression of my Self and, together, a personal map of my individuality.
I revisit an old journal now and then, and each time I am rewarded with a reminder of what was important to me at that particular stage of my life. On their pages the roller coaster ride of my existence is processed, dealt with privately, perhaps resolved. I observe my emotional, intellectual, and spiritual growth. By re-examining where I have been, I begin to understand more fully who I am today.
